The Fantasy Football Girl

Now that the Big Game is over and the confetti has settled, it’s time to rank Sunday’s best moments. What? You thought I was referring to the on side kick just after the half? No way. Below is a list of my Top 5 Super Bowl Commercials. After all, Bud Light and Doritos are just as much a part of football as interceptions and booth reviews.

Winning the close, but not quite as awesome as I had hoped award, in honorable mention at SIXTH PLACE is…

The Bud Light “Auto Tune” Commercial with T-Pain

Coming in at FIFTH PLACE with an ad that was simple and straight forward and really pulled at my heart strings is…

The Budweiser “Fences” Commercial

In FOURTH PLACE with an ad that was so sappy it almost didn’t make my list, but since everyone seemed to love it so stinkin’ much I included it is…

The Google  ”Parisian Love”  Commercial

Rounding out the Top 3 best ads, in THIRD PLACE is commercial that appears more accurate than comedic…

The Hyundai “Brett Favre MVP” Commercial

Coming in at SECOND PLACE with an ad that, hands down, received the biggest belly laughs is…

The Doritos “Hands Off” Commercial

And in FIRST PLACE with a “We Didn’t Start the Fire” vibe, my absolute favorite commercial is…

FLO TV’s “My Generation” Commercial with Will.I.Am

There you have it. My Top Five (ish) Super Bowl Commercials from this year. For some reason, I’m feeling the urge to test drive a Hyundai and Google FLO TV. What the hell is it anyway?

What do you get when you mix a pound of andouille sausage, a 12-pack of Colt 45, and a brand new 47″ flat screen TV? The makings for a fantastic Super Bowl party and a very excited Fantasy Football Girl!!!

We’re about an hour away from game time and I have gumbo simmering on the stove, the CBS pre-game show blaring from the TV (save the shiteous Daughtry concert, which was muted) and a bunch of emails from you asking for my thoughts on Superbowl XLIV. The gumbo probably gave it away, but I’m rooting for the Who Dat Nation! That’s not to say that I don’t completely respect Peyton Manning and the entire Indianapolis Colts organization, but I’m still bitter about the beat down they gave the Bears 3 years ago… so they can suck it.

The last word from my bookie was that the Colts were favored by 4.5 points. I get it. Plain and simple, no one is better than Peyton Manning at the line of scrimmage. He may very well be the smartest quarterback in NLF history. Additionally, the Colts have done this before. Three years ago in the same city, at the same stadium, with the rain pouring down, the Colts brought The Lombardi Trophy back to Indianapolis. This is old hat to them. And they can do it again. Without a doubt, the Colts are the safest bet today.

But like I’ve said all season… safe is boring.

Drew Brees and company have the entire weight of not only the Saints franchise, but the heart of a city resting on their shoulders. Every analyst I’ve listened to has talked about the pressure of this game and how it could potentially mind-f*ck the Saints. And I get that too. Each question at press day has been about what a Super Bowl victory would mean to the people of New Orleans. That’s way more intensive than “hey, do you think Archie will love you more than Eli if you win another ring.” Simply put, this game just means more to the Saints than it does the Colts. It has to. And while that may be what screws them in the end, it may also be what pushes them past their limits and helps pull off a pretty rad upset. Heck, as New Orleans natives I’m sure the Mannings will be happy to see their home city in the limelight (well, maybe).

Regardless of who wins, it’s going to be a great game. I plan on drinking and eating and cheering and maybe even crying. Oh, and I also can’t wait to see what both Kim Kardashian and Kendra decide to wear. Man, what a great way to end yet another season of America’s Pastime Best Sport!

I know, I know… it’s been over a month since I posted. The last advice I gave was in Week 14 of the regular season, which for many of you was the first or second round of your league’s playoffs. For me, however, it was the last week of my regular season and, in fact, the end of a less than epic fantasy campaign. While my wounds are still tender, enough time has passed that I think I can broach the top without throwing a Philip Rivers sized hissy fit.

For the first time in my fantasy career, I didn’t make the playoffs. WTF? I know. Despite having a higher point total than the third, fourth, and fifth place teams in Total Noobs, I missed making the playoffs by just one game with a 7-7 record. Mad props, however, to The Cleveland Steamers who won both the Regular Season and The Super Bowl. With Drew Brees as your QB1, Brett Favre as your QB2, and Rashard Mendenhall, Joseph Addai, and LaDainian Tomlinson rounding out your running game, you were unstoppable. That being said, next season I plan to Rusty Trombone the sh*t out of your Steamers.

In my other league, Evertrue, I managed to sit in first place for the first two thirds of the season. In the final weeks, however, I just couldn’t keep it together and plummeted to 10th place. Ugh, the shame and horror! Without question, I could and should have managed this team better. That being said, I didn’t draft the bulk of the team and had to make a ton of moves to even keep it afloat. Between season-ending injuries to both Anthony “I’m no Marvin Harrison” Gonzalez and Clinton “How many fingers am I holding up” Portis in addition to Randy Moss’s fall from grace and Derrick Mason’s inability to retire, I just couldn’t get any traction. I felt like Tom Hanks in the Money Pit, making one lopsided move after another.

All in all, I did learn a lot this season. Namely, how OVER-managing your team can lead to its ultimate demise. Sometimes, you just need to stick with what you have and wait for a pattern to develop. Once a rhythm is established (preferably in the first half of the season) THEN you can better identify problem areas and make more specific changes. I employed a love ‘em and leave ‘em strategy this year and didn’t work. While doing a bunch of research is great, it doesn’t win championships. Next year, I’m still going to identify players with potential, but if I don’t have a hole to fill I’m not going to jump on their bandwagons so quickly. Just like the Ravens did to the Pats in the Wild-Card Round of the playoffs, I’m going back to basics.

In the past few weeks I’ve talked about two quarterbacks who, due to different circumstances and situations, gained fantasy relevance later in the season. Chad Henne was let off his leash a bit when Ronnie Brown went out and Miami’s offense could no longer rely solely on the run. Vince Young, on the other hand, earned back his starting job and proved that the Titans could win on the ground and in the air.

So the question is… who are these guys throwing to? And are they available on your waiver wire?

Davone Bess:
Bess has been a starter all season long, and he’s also played consistently well. In fact, in Week 11 (the Dolphins’ first match-up without Ronnie Brown), Bess completed a perfect game, recording 63 yards on six receptions… on six targets. Granted, 63 yards isn’t a stellar fantasy showing, but with a team so focused on the ground attack there haven’t been a plethora of opportunities for him to shine. However, as Henne has gathered confidence, and the Dolphins have varied their offense, Bess has been seeing more action. In last week’s 22-21 upset over New England, Bess caught a career high 10 passes for 117 yards and scored a touchdown. While he’s far from a sure thing, we’re entering the playoffs… where the only sure thing is that there isn’t one. Bess’s game has only been improving, and you might want to pick him up to ensure yours does as well.

Kenny Britt:
After Justin Gage suffered a back injury in Week 8, Kenny Britt got the starting WR nod and emerged as Vince Young’s go-to guy on the outside. He’s caught three touchdowns in the last three games, proving to the Titans just why they selected him with the 30th pick of the 2009 NFL Draft. Additionally, Special Teams coach Victor Garber Alan Lowry has been attempting to capitalize on Britt’s incredible athleticism, using him as their kick returner in the last two games. While Gage is expected to play this Sunday against the Rams, I have to believe Britt will still get the lion’s share of passes as they ease the former starter back into the rotation. This rookie out of Rutgers may not be a starter for the rest of your fantasy season… but he’s helped to save the Titans, and he may help save your team.

Saturday night marked my first holiday party of the season. While sipping on an incredibly delicious and potent vodka concoction at Bar Lubitsch, I ran into a dear friend who is also a die hard Redskins fan. Without even a moment’s hesitation he proclaimed, “I have a prediction for you Football Girl. Mark my words, the Redskins will beat the Saints tomorrow.” Intrigued by his steadfast confidence, I engaged him and asked for a more detailed analysis. He went on to explain that if anyone was going to beat the Saints (other than the Pats) it would be the Redskins – not only because of their highly rated pass defense, but also because of the timing of this particular game. He reminded me that the Saints had just come off of a hugely emotional win, had a short work week in which they would have to travel to FedEx Field, and were probably underestimating the floundering Washington offense.

I thought about his theory and decided that perhaps he was on to something. We’ve all seen monster teams with perfect records fall to lesser organizations. I mean, even the Raiders have won a few games this season (Eagles, Bengals, and now Steelers). And none of us can forget the way the Giants stunned the Patriots in Super Bowl XLII. So it was possible – not probable – but possible.

Imagine my delight and surprise on Sunday morning when I tuned in to see the Redskins up 10-0 at the end of the first quarter. As the game progressed, I thought holy sh*t this might just… oh wait… em… really?… oops… not gonna happen. Hearts broke all over the greater DC area and fans in Louisiana were able to breathe again as the Saints bested the Skins in unexpected and riveting show of grit, controversial calls, key mistakes, and breakout performances.

It can easily be said that wide receiver Robert Meachem won the game for the Saints while kicker Shaun Suisham lost it for the Redskins. If you played Meachem, who is definitely on a roll and one of Drew Brees‘ fave red zone options, then congrats. If you’d like to pick him up… good luck. He’s roughly 60-70% owned in most leagues and probably not available to any competitive fantasy franchise. On the other hand, if you have Suisham and didn’t drop him after the WASH vs DAL game… you’re an idiot. And if either Jim Zorn or Dan Snyder happen to be reading this, that’s for you too.

The most exciting break out performance of the day, however, has to go to Devin Thomas. The second year WR out of Michigan State became Jason Campbell’s most consistent and frequent target. He had seven receptions for 100 yards and two touchdowns. While most Santana Moss owners (myself included) shook their heads and fists in disbelief and frustration, Thomas showed that he has real starting potential. As of right now, he’s about 2% owned in most leagues. While he might become a hot commodity in the next few weeks as the Redskins attempt to redeem themselves, I wouldn’t advise rushing out to pick him up. However, you’ll want to keep an eye on him and remember his name in next year’s draft. For some of us – Redskins fans and fantasy owners alike – the next few weeks are just fodder for a better go of it in 2010.

Depending on your ranking, Week 13 has either come too quickly or not quickly enough. Either way, this is a do-or-die matchup for many fantasy teams. The playoffs begin in just two weeks, and in most leagues only the top six teams can go. Right now, in one of MY leagues, the bottom SEVEN teams are all tied with a 5-7 record. That means over half of the entire league is hoping to have the best two games of their season in order to secure a playoff slot. Since most trade deadlines have expired, it’s time to start scraping the bottom of the barrel to ensure my your team gets the added boost it needs.

For those of you happily sitting in first or second place – suck it. For everyone else… here’s an RB and a WR that probably aren’t owned, and might just make the difference.

Jerious Norwood:
With Matt Ryan out, Atlanta is going to have to focus on the run when they face off against the Eagles tomorrow afternoon. Normally that would make Michael Turner owners very happy, but since he re-injured his already effed-up ankle last week, he’s probably not going to see the field on Sunday. That, of course, leaves Snelling and Norwood to pick up the slack.

Norwood – who had been out with a strained hip flexor for five games – made a heck of a comeback last week in the Falcons’ win against the Bucs. He got eight touches for 50 yards and a sweet TD scamper from 22 yards out on a shovel pass from Chris Redman. While most everyone expected Snelling to get the bulk of the carries, Norwood reminded us of his impressive speed and explosiveness. Heading into Week 13, I have to believe that Mike Smith and Co. are going to lead with their most veteran – and maybe best – option at running back. Look for #32 to see an increased workload, and surge in fantasy potential.

Jason Avant:
Having played behind Braylon Edwards at the University of Michigan, Avant is used to being a back-up. This season he’s utilized as many opportunities as possible while playing second fiddle to DeSean Jackson. He’s had 32 receptions (17 of those in his last three games) on only 42 targets… but recorded 94 receiving yards in Philly’s win against the Redskins last Sunday.

With Jackson out due to a concussion, Avant finally has a shot to start… and shine. Given the Falcon’s troubled secondary, Avant might be the sleeper surprise you and your team have been hoping for.

A few weeks ago, when I was cursing Matt Ryan’s name and combing through the waiver wire for a potential back-up, I noticed that Vince Young was widely available. Impressed with his recent ability to transform the lackluster Titans into a winning team, I picked him up and sat him on my bench. So when Matt Ryan went out in the first quarter of Sunday’s game against Tampa Bay with a toe injury, I left my house without a cell phone and went missing for a few hours. I figured it was the best way to usher “VY”, my new starting QB, onto the “Bandwagon Cutler Fan” fantasy team.

All kidding aside, Vince Young has had a tough go of it lately. He went a little crazy in the fall of 2008, lost the starting QB job to Kerry Collins in the beginning of this season, and suffered the unexpected loss of his dear friend and mentor Steve McNair over the summer. To say his world has been shaken is putting it lightly. Out of all of this chaos, pressure, booing of fans, injuries, loss, and disappointment, Young has emerged as a new and improved athlete and team leader. He’s not just the scrappy scrambler with a chip on his shoulder anymore. It seems that the former UT hero has become a grown up – with a good arm and pass precision.

Since replacing Kerry Collins, Young has won the past 5 starts. Last Sunday against the Cardinals, #10 had the best game of his professional career. He completed 26 of 43 passes for 387 yards and led a 99-yard TD drive in the final seconds of the game. A lot of analysts have cited this past weekend as a fluke. While they agree that Young’s play is great for the Titans, they don’t believe it’ll translate into big numbers for fantasy owners. Maybe that’s true… or maybe it’s not.

By no means does Vince Young have the fantasy appeal of Drew Brees (bastard KILLED me on Monday Night), Peyton Manning, or even Aaron Rodgers. But is he any worse than Eli Manning, Jay Cutler, or the aforementioned Matt Ryan? I don’t think so.

Admittedly, this week’s match up against the Colts isn’t ideal. While there’s certainly potential for a shoot out, I don’t envision Young lobbing numerous “over the top” passes into the end zone. That being said, Weeks 14 and 15 look real good for both the Titans and VY owners. Since Weeks 14 and 15 are key fantasy weeks, I’d recommend doing what it took Jeff Fisher so long to do… give Young a second chance. With so much to prove, I doubt he’ll let any of us down.

Erma Bombeck once said, “Thanksgiving dinners take eighteen hours to prepare. They are consumed in twelve minutes. Half-times take twelve minutes. This is not coincidence.” Aside from the fact that it’s actually fifteen minutes, I couldn’t agree more.

Much to my grandmother’s dismay, I’m an awful cook. In fact as I type this post, I am resting a cold compress over my eyes to reduce the swelling caused by a torrent of tears that ensued shortly after ruining both a pecan and pumpkin pie. Rather than bringing dessert tomorrow, I’ll be bringing booze and cheese curds. Ah, well. We all have our strengths… and weaknesses.

In an attempt to remind myself of what I am good at, I started working on my fantasy lineup for this coming week. While looking over the games and players (though tomorrow’s day games are a total suckfest), I noticed there were quite a few solid flex options. And so was born Purge and Flex: A New Thanksgiving Tradition.

TO PURGE
Julius Jones:
Assuming his bruised lung is healed by Sunday, Coach Mora has said Jones will start against the Rams. While he didn’t practice on Wednesday, he is expected to get the green light come game time. I know some of you can’t believe that I’d suggest dumping #22, but just because he’s starting doesn’t mean he won’t be limited. Sure way back in Week 1, Jones had his best game of the season against St. Louis, rushing for 117 yards and a touchdown. That, however, was weeks before there was blood in his lungs and Justin Forsett was even a glimmer in fantasy owners’ eyes.

TO FLEX:
Justin Forsett:
I love this kid and have been sold on him for weeks. He was dynamic in Week 10 when Jones went out and shockingly sturdy last Sunday against Minnesota. In fact, he scored Seattle’s lone touchdown in their loss to the Vikings. This weekend’s matchup against the Rams should be easy as pie – regardless of whether or not there are tears involved.

TO PURGE
Kolby Smith:
Purging this guy probably isn’t an issue for most fantasy owners. His stock grew ever so slightly after LJ was cut from the Chiefs. There was some speculation that he would split carries with Jamal Charles, but since Week 9 his numbers have been abysmal. In the past three games, he’s totaled 32 yards rushing on 14 attempts and 4 yards receiving on 1 throw. Wait, there’s more. He also injured his ankle in last Sunday’s OT win against the Steelers. Reports say that he’ll be active in Sunday’s game, but by that they mean he’ll be able to play… not that he’ll actually score any points or touch the ball.

TO FLEX
Jamaal Charles:
Charles doesn’t have a great matchup against the Chargers this coming Sunday, but he did hold his own last week against the bruising Pittsburgh DEF. In fact, his numbers were pretty darn good; he had 17 carries for 58 yards, caught a touchdown pass, and ran back the game opening kickoff for a 97 yard TD. Since Larry Johnson’s departure he has undoubtedly become the Chief’s premier back as well as an effective special teams player. Even if your fantasy team has more options than the Chief’s, be thankful you can flex their only hope.

TO PURGE
Ladell Betts:
Betts, who was playing in the stead of injured Pro Bowler Clinton Portis, suffered a season ending knee injury in Sunday’s heartbreaking loss to the Cowboys. Apparently, he tore both his ACL and MCL after taking a hard hit from Dallas linebacker Bradie James in the first quarter. What’s most disappointing isn’t the fact that Betts was showing real promise (having scored in both Week 9 and 10), but that he’s not guaranteed any money after this season. May his recovery be as brief and effective as his two weeks of glory this season.

TO FLEX
Rock Cartwright:
One man’s setback is another man’s opportunity. Such is the case for 29 year old Rock Cartwright. Having been with the Redskins for 7 years, he’s mostly known as a special teams player… but not for long. With Portis out another week and Betts out for the season, he’s the go-to RB in Washington. From what I can gather, he’s got good speed, lots of power, and great hands. More importantly, he’s got something to prove and you’ve got someone to flex.

Who dey? Who dey?

Well… only about 65% of most fantasy leagues. Shocking, I know.

A lot of fantasy owners like to change out their DEF every week, depending on match ups. Generally speaking, I’m a DEF purist, but this season I’ve jumped around quite a bit. However, looking at the Bengals rest of the season schedule, I think I’m going to stay put.

Last Sunday they put the brakes on Pittsburgh, sacking Roethlisberger 4 times and holding Mendenhall to 36 rushing yards. In fact, the only Steeler to score was kicker Jeff Reed with a total of four field goals. Not bad for a team that looked anything but intimidating in the pre-season.

Let’s give credit where credit is due. Defensive Coordinator, Mike Zimmer has taken a team of unknowns and made them the fifth scoring defense in the league (16.9 points per game allowed). Often adversity and/or tragedy can bring a team together. On October 8th of this year, Zimmer’s wife passed away suddenly. Three days later, the Bengals beat the Ravens 17 – 14 and presented their widowed coach with game ball. I know some of you roll your eyes at my “rapport” theories, but this is one of them.

After years of swagger, it seems the Bengals finally have heart. The defense appears to have accepted their supporting role, allowing Ocho and Company to soak up the spotlight while they keep their collective noses to the grindstone. In the next four weeks they will attempt to hold, stop, and destroy the Raiders, followed by the Browns and then the Lions. In week 14, they face off against the Vikings, which should prove to be more of a challenge then the previous three weeks. Come then, you’ll want to pick up and sub in the TN DEF who play the sh*teous St. Louis Rams.

My mama told me to shop around, but when it comes to Bengals I’m going to grab n’ git.

By now, we all know that Ronnie Brown will be sitting out Thursday’s game due to a foot injury. No one wants to say just how long he’ll be out, but with murmurs of him getting “second opinions” I’ve got to believe the prognosis isn’t good.

Thursday night – and perhaps the rest of the season – poses an interesting dilemma. Sure, Ricky Williams will undoubtedly see more touches, but what about Miami’s coveted “Wildcat.” Will Sparano run it? If so, who’s the triggerman? Does this increase 3rd string RB Lex Hilliard’s value? Or does this become the week that Chad Henne shows up with the pass? I’m not entirely sure, but unsurprisingly, I’ve got a few opinions.

Don’t run out and pick up Hilliard just yet. In Week 11 there’s no room on fantasy rosters for giant maybes (just teeny ones). Do, however, keep an eye on Hilliard tomorrow night. If the wildcat works both for the team and #26 then you might want to consider adjusting your roster according. That being said, I’d be “wildly” surprised if Hilliard blows up.

What I’m more excited about is the possibility of Chad Henne emerging as a viable fantasy option. In the past few weeks he’s been putting up average numbers – lots of short yardage and only one multi-touchdown game in Week 5. That’s what happens when you play in a run first offense without any star receivers.

Now that Ronnie Brown is out, however, half of that obstacle is eliminated. If the Michigan grad is ever going to get his shot, tomorrow night – on Thursday Night Football – is the time. After watching him lead the Phins to victory over the Jets on Monday Night Football, I think it’s safe to say #7 likes the camera.

At this point, starting Tony Romo or Jay Cutler is a gamble.

So if you’re in the mood to start the weekend early, and gamble big… have a shot of Henne.